


Trick or Treat?

by DittyWrites



Series: Scarecrow/Riddler Shenanigans [12]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games), Batman: Arkham - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Companionable Snark, Domestic Fluff, Halloween, Humor, Humorous Ending, M/M, Mild Threats, Snark, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWrites/pseuds/DittyWrites
Summary: A surprise knock on the door forces Jonathan to confront something truly terrifying: trick or treating children!





	Trick or Treat?

**Author's Note:**

> In preparation for Halloween lmaooo

Dropping another tissue onto the nearby coffee table, the irritation of Jonathans' nose was showing no signs of giving him a moments respite and he continued to rub at the end of it with the back of his hand.

“You're only making it worse by touching it.” Edwards' unwanted opinion wafted over to him from the opened door of the kitchen. “I have been telling you to leave it alone.”

Ignoring him, Jonathan settled back into the inviting comfort of the couch as he willed his mild cold away through sheer force of his mental prowess. However, his head had barely came into contact with the pillows when a soft knock alerted both occupants of the apartment to a presence at the door.

He glanced at Edward expectantly and received a shake of the head in response.

“Do not look at me. If I take my eyes off this soup for a moment it will boil over and destroy my stove top.” Edward argued. “It is most likely a delivery for yourself anyway.”

Releasing a growl of annoyance, Jonathan pushed himself up from the couch and approached the door. They were not expecting company tonight and he subtly palmed the metal bar which acted as their preferred deterrence for unwanted visitors with one hand as he allowed the other to click the handle down and swing the door open with a little force.

No soon had the door opened more than a few inches when an unexpected musical chorus met him.

“TRICK OR TREAT!”

What?

His stony glance lowered slowly until it settled on a trio of children, around five or six by his estimations, who were standing before him with face-splitting grins. Their small hands were wrapped around plastic bags, their contents already beginning to bulge with various candies and other gifts already received, with an almost vice-like grip.

Unable to believe what was standing before him, Jonathan could only blink as he towered over them.

“Excuse me?”

“TRICK OR TREAT!”

The phrase was repeated with an equal volume of enthusiasm but now with the added enthusiasm of the shaking of the candy bags, a hint as to his what his next move should be.

“Excus-”

“Well what do we have here!?”

Edwards' showman tones resonated over Jonathans' shoulder and his head shot to the side as he registered the sudden appearance of his partner.

So much for the soup.

Within Edwards' grasp was a large hollow plastic pumpkin filled to the brim with large bags of mixed candies and sweets which any child would practically salivate over given half a chance.

Apparently Edward had known that today was Halloween.

That made one of them.

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Jonathan stared at the hollow pumpkin.

“Where did that even come from?”

“I always hand out candy on Halloween.” Keeping a huge smile on his face to ensure the attention of the children, Edward spoke from the corners of his mouth. “I am not a miser and you have always worked Halloween in the past and I suspected that your previous conceding of this years 'celebration' to Julian Day would mean that you would forget about the day itself.”

Well, he was not wrong.

His recent illness and lack of holiday themed plans had resulted in his complete ignorance of the holiday itself and as Edward swung the door open, Jonathan found that both himself and Edward were left standing openly in the doorway before the three children.

“So, do you have a song or a dance for us?” Edward shook the pumpkin invitingly. “You all understand that you must perform in exchange for a bag. You have to earn your treat.”

Stepping forward, the only boy of the group took position in front of the girls.

“I'm Aiden and i'm a mummy!” He squeaked out and he held his toilet paper wrapped arms out in mock-mummy fashion as he walked forward a few steps. “The girls said I was scary. Do I look scary?”

Rolling his eyes, Jonathan was just about to turn back into the apartment and leave Edward to deal with this himself when he felt Edwards' fingers jamming themselves between his thin ribs and he jumped in both pain and surprise.

“Look!” Edward exclaimed as he switched his grip and Jonathan could feel that he was being held gently in place. “You made Jonathan here jump! You must be extremely frightening!”

Glaring at Edward with open irritation, Jonathan fought against his desire to immaturely ram his hand against Edwards' sides in revenge and instead chose to fold his arms across his chest as he held his position.

“Do you have a song?” He bit out between clenched teeth since clearly his presence here was necessary.

At his question, the boy burst out into a very loud and disturbingly off-key version of some childish rhyme involving frogs and logs which was interspersed with both physical dancing and mediocre frog impressions.

Forcing a smile onto his face, Jonathan drummed his fingers against his arms in faux-applause as Edward provided an actual small applause before removing a bag from the pumpkin and dropping it in the boys' bag.

Pleased with his winnings, the boy bounded away back down the corridor.

The first of the two girls quickly stepped forward, taking her friends place, and her dark skin was mostly covered by a black cat mask which possessed both ears and whiskers.

“And you're a cat.” Jonathan stated.

“Nope,” the girl threw her hands onto his hips with some force as she shook her head, “i'm Catwoman! I'm going to get the most candy tonight and then i'm going to go steal all the money in all the banks in Gotham!”

For the first time since this encounter began, a genuine smirk tugged at Jonathans' lips. This one was a lively little thing and he was sorely tempted to give her vague directions to send her past Selinas' safehouse.

It would be worth it for the reaction from the feline thief herself.

“My momma says she's a good role model.” The girl continued.

“That she is,” Edward nodded his agreement, “so do you have a song for us?”

“I've got a riddle.”

“Really?!” Edwards' grin lit up again as he placed the pumpkin on the floor and dropped to one knee to give this girl his full attention. “And what is it?”

Shifting her eyes for a moment as she struggled to remember, eventually the girl crossed her arms in a fashion similar to Jonathans' own.

“What gets wetter as it dries?”

Seeing Edward open his mouth to answer, unable to stop himself, Jonathan shot his hand out and squeezed on his shoulder hard enough to stop his words in his tracks as a small hiss of pain instead escaped the kneeling genius.

A small act of revenge.

“Sorry child,” he tilted his head sweetly at the expectant girl, “my friend here is not smart enough to understand the answer to your riddle. Tell him the answer?”

“A towel!” She exclaimed with pride, her smile at Edward laced with sympathy, and then held her bag out for her reward.

“You heard the child, Edward,” Jonathan prompted, voice gentle as though explaining something simple, “it was 'a towel'. Now give the cat her prize.”

As Edward handed the girl her bag, Jonathan momentarily ducked back into the apartment to grab another tissue. One quick blown nose later and he was back to see what the final child had left to offer.

The experience so far had not been as dreadful as he had initially anticipated. Children these days were more humorous than he recalled from his own youth. They were still unsanitary and far too meddlesome for their own good but at least they could apparently amuse him for a moment.

As he focused his attention on the last child, he noted that she was dressed as some form of undead creature, a zombie most likely, and her made-up pale skin and dark eyes with faux-blood made him wonder at exactly what point adults had an input into their childs' designs.

“I have a joke!” She announced, forgoing any other attempt at small talk with the two adults.

“Then I would love to hear it.”

As Edward stood again, Jonathan felt a surge of mild fondness at the level of enthusiasm which Edward was injecting into this absolutely pointless activity. He made a mental note to ask Edward about his own experiences with Halloween since there was obviously some emotionally fertile land there to till. Edwards' happy memories were few and far between so it would be interesting to discover another layer of the genius in relation to the current holidays.

Clearing her throat dramatically, the girl set up her punchline.

“Why did the scarecrow get an award?”

Unable to withhold their joint smirks at the mention of Jonathans' alter-ego, Jonathan felt Edward twist his body to face his.

“I have no clue, why did the scarecrow get an award?” Edwards' eyes sparkled with his mirth. “Do you know the answer?”

“They do not allow me to receive awards anymore,” Jonathan muttered from the corner of his mouth in response, “apparently my frequent residencies in Arkham make me ineligible.”

Not privy to their conversation, the child continued.

“Because he was the best in his field!”

Even as a smile again tugged at his own lips, Jonathan could hear a small appreciative chuckle emitting from Edward as he humoured the girl.

“Very funny! You are quite the joker, little lady.”

“My mom and dad say we don't like the Joker,” the girl offered in a loud hushed tone, a childs' idea of confidential speech, “she says he is a horrible man!”

“Your parents are not wrong.”

Jonathan agreed politely and, feeling charitable, handed the girl two bags of candy which she thanked him for before greedily stuffing them into her bag.

“Now run off to your friends and be sure to shut the main door behind you,” he instructed her before lowering his tone significantly until only Edward would be able to hear him, “lest any other children find their way in here.”

Grinning, the girl let loose a childish wave before sprinting away down the corridor. However, before she had gotten more than a few meters away she paused and turned back the duo watching her depart.

“Hey mister!” She called out, high voice echoing through the empty hallway.

“Yes?” Jonathan answered.

“I really, really, really like your skeleton costume! It's so creepy!”

Having given her opinion, the girl disappeared around the corner of the hall as the patter of her small feet and youthful giggles slowly faded away.

Looking down as his outfit, Jonathan was confronted by the simple white vest and grey slacks which he had thrown on to ensure comfort as he recovered from his cold and a furrow of confusion made its way onto his face as he glanced at Edward.

“What costume?”

Not even trying to hold it in, Edwards' laughter was like a thunderclap in the hallway as he registered the offence which the girl had inadvertently created in his unwell partner.

 


End file.
